Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
