I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
