so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
