i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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