so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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