Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
