So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
