Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
