OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
