Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
