"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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