I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
