I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
