"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Panties = found
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
