I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
