she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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