I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
