How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
