I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
