I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
