Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
