So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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