Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
