I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My hand turned me down
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
