I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
