I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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