i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
