im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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