They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
