areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
