obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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