we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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