Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
