it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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