So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
