What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
