I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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