she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
either way he was missing a nipple.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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