I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
