Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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