if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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