I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
And then he peed in my hair
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