No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
