i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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