she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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