I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
