Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
