Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
