Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
