so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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