I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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