I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
